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Student's Essay - Second Draft
Student's Essay - Second Draft
1 My grandmother is from Germany, where they didn’t
2 have freedom for a very long time. She has told me
3 many stories about how terrible life was in Germany
4 when Adolf Hitler was trying to take away freedom
5 from people who were not like him. Some people were
6 not even allowed to go to the store to buy their groceries.
7 Stories like this make me appreciate the freedom
8 I have in America. To me, freedom means having many
9 choices, like the freedom to follow whatever religion
10 we want to, vote, and say what we believe without
11 the government punishing us.

12 Freedom of religion is something that is very important.
13 In class we learned that women in Afghanistan received
14 very heavy sentences for basic freedoms like driving
15 a car or showing their face. This is because the
16 people who run the government there have personal
17 religious beliefs that say this is the right thing
18 to do. But they are taking away rights and freedoms
19 from people based on their own beliefs, and that is
20 something that freedom of religion in America prevents
21 our leaders from doing. Even if president Bush believes
22 in one religion, I do not have to believe it in unless
23 I want to. I think freedom of religion is a great
24 part of America.

25 Another important freedom is the freedom to vote.
26 We have a choice of whom we want to elect to be our
27 leaders. In some other countries, leaders are not
28 chosen by the people, so they can do whatever they
29 want to, even if it is not fair to the people. In
30 some communist countries they used to have really
31 terrible leaders who could make laws and arrest people
32 unfairly, however they wanted to do it. Because we
33 can elect our leaders and lawmakers, things like that
34 cannot happen in America.

35 Freedom of speech is my favorite freedom and also
36 the most important. Freedom means speaking your mind
37 even if it offends someone else or even if it makes
38 that person feel bad. My friends are always telling
39 me that I like to talk a lot. But I think it is an
40 important freedom. It is important because the government
41 should not be allowed to control what we are allowed
42 to say. Without freedom of speech we wouldn’t be
43 able to express ourselves even in movies or the news.
44 Everything would be censored by the government.
45 The American government is as good as it is because
46 we have a lot of freedom. I would not want to live
47 without freedom, like those women in Afghanistan or
48 like my grandmother in Germany. That would change
49 my life and I would not like it because I appreciate
50 the freedom I have in America.